Sunday, February 8, 2009

a very swollen day

so jailynn finally had her CT after 1pm. Luckily it took no time at all to get the results. We totally expected to wait forever. THe CT looks great but for whatever reason, they have not given me one they decided not to elevate Jailynns head today, which means also no weaning the sedation. A nurse did say that elevating would be good for her oxygen levels or something like that. I am so disappointed. I know shes doing great and I should be happy and its for her own good, but i had my hopes up and for whatever reason i am on the verge of tears. I just took some of my ativan> I really dont want to sit here with jason and the nurses crying like a baby over elevating her head. They are already acing like im crazy for being upset about it. It just seems like a big deal to me and i am so anxious to see more prgress and be closer to her. Is really hard. I cannot hold her, hug her, kiss her, feel her skin, cuddle her, hear her talk ect... its wearing me down. especially since all the doctors told me yesterday that they would start the elevating as long as the CT was clear and it is.

Its infuriating when they do as little as possible just cause its the weekend! I'm sorry life/health/ recovery is a monday-friday schedule!

later a stranger in the waiting room prayed with me to calm me down and for jailynn and everything it made me cry and i started to calm down but then the pain management drs walked by and they know me from seeing us so many times. they asked me what was wrong and i told them and started crying. A few mins after i finished talking to them they found me again and gave me a travel pack of kleenex. I didnt know at the time but they went back to jailynns room and told the nurse to let me touch jailynn bare handed and kiss her goodnight. so later while i was in jailynns room. the nurse told me before i left for the night i could touch and kiss her, jason too. so that way we would be on our way out and wouldnt spread "germs through the picu". It made my whole day better. i cried when she told me and when i actually got to kiss and touch her i was bawling! it made so much of a difference for me. She was responding with lots of arm and leg movement. we saw her moving her left arm leg and toes!!!!!


Anonymous said...

Keeping you in my prayers. I know it is tough right now but things will get better. She has gotten through the toughest part. She is already starting to heal. She is so strong, much stronger than we could ever be! God Bless, Wendy

Anonymous said...

This is such a rollercoaster of emotions for you. You shouldn't feel bad for crying. You have been so strong for Jailynn and you can only be strong for so long. You get it out now, and then you can be strong another day. I am saying prayers for you and Jailynn. You are a remarkable mother.

Take care,

Ann Stoermer